Divorce is always challenging in various ways: financially, mentally, physically. Not too long ago, you were together forever with your partner, and today you’re different people with different plans and dreams. Paying for the lawyers and fees, moving out and separating already tough; but it’s even tougher when the main thought in your head is “I failed”.
Don’t do it to yourself – try not to think like this. You entered this marriage with many expectations, never even taking divorce into account, and now that it’s happening, life’s changed. It’s normal, and it’s not your fault.
Society today puts too much pressure on people – trying to make them stick to certain rules and expectations, much like 60 years ago. Even though we’re a “modern” society now with a lot more freedoms, there are some sensibilities left over from an era long gone. However, life has no rules, and it can take an unexpected turn.
We shouldn’t blame ourselves for it – but we often do. It’s just too tough to deal with society’s pressure when dealing with divorce – and you should never do it alone. We’re here to help, and we’ve asked the experts from Survive Divorce – an online divorce guide – to help you stop worrying. So here are seven reasons why divorce is not a failure (and why you should never blame yourself for it).
- It’s Just a Step on a Road To Better Life
Life is constantly changing, and things like divorce can happen. But even though your marriage ended, your life still can be successful. Now you have more time and energy to find (or create) something better, reinvent yourself or focus on your work or hobby. Your marriage was just a necessary stepping stone, but now it’s time to move on.
- Your Needs Should Be Met
Whatever reason you had to end the marriage, it was valid. Self-care is essential, and having your meets met is important. Marriage shouldn’t become the only thing that matters, nor should it make you risk your life, health or dreams. And if for some reason, it did so, it served you as a lesson – “always put on your own oxygen mask first.” Now you can rise, understanding what you need and what you want.
- Ending a Toxic Relationship Is Healthy
If you’re in a toxic marriage, ending it can be one of the most complicated decisions in your life. Your partner can manipulate you into staying in an unhealthy relationship, making it harder than ever to leave. But as we’ve established earlier, your health, both physical and mental, should be in the first place. The effects of a toxic marriage can be crippling, but the healthiest thing you can do is leave.
- Your Marriage Was of Value Even if It Didn’t Last
Spending a part of your life with the same person is not a failure. Nor is giving birth to a child or adopting one. You and your ex-partner had a great time together, learned a lot, raised your children. And even though for some reason it’s ended, it doesn’t mean that any of you failed.
- You’re Becoming Stronger
Divorce is never easy, but there is one great thing about it – it always makes you stronger. When you have to make a decision to end a marriage, when you move out, when you go to the court when you’re left alone with your children – it’s always tough, but it always makes you discover that inner strength.
You might become a stronger parent and a better person – after all, divorce is a lesson. And if you find out what you really can do, nothing is impossible.
- You Tried Everything To Make It Work
Think of it this way: you gave it your best. You did everything you could to fix your marriage. Unfortunately, it takes a lot more than this, but you genuinely tried to make it work. So now you can leave with your confidence and your self-worth intact, and do your best to be happy.
- You Get a Chance To Start Over
Divorce is always a chance to see something new in your life and yourself. Rediscover the world and the real you. Try things you’ve always wanted to try, get back on track and follow your dreams. Whatever happens, you have all the power and strength to do this. It’s a wonderful opportunity, not a failure.
It’s a New Beginning
It’s pretty common to feel like a failure after divorce. However, a feeling doesn’t mean it’s true. Ending an unfulfilling, often toxic marriage is healthy – it allows you to rediscover yourself and put your needs first. What people may think (or say) doesn’t matter as long as you’re happy. And you should be.
Whatever happens in your life, good or bad, has already happened – and you can’t do anything to change it. You did your best to repair your marriage, but now it’s time to learn your lesson and move on. Now that you’re stronger than ever, all the roads in the world are open for you.